Breathe Me
by ROSIE.HALE
Summary: Bella Swan,Abused her whole life by Phil and Renee. Until she finds her letters from her absent father in forks, can someone with such bad luck finally catch a break ? Read & Review! warning: does have some self harm.
1. Fight

**kay so this is a different kind of story. i have never tried to write anything like this, so bear with me and when it's finished and complete i'll give you a bonus chapter if your all nice.**

**review , pm all that good stuff!**  
**-Rose**

**Bpov**

_' The sound of my heart pounding tells me there is still hope, '_ I softly sang Fight by Icon for hire as I finished setting the table for dinner,Phil and Renée were soon to be home and I was running late on dinner because of a teacher that kept me after school cause I fell asleep through another test.

I'm Bella Swan, 17 years old and daughter of Chief Charlie Swan and Renée Dwyer. I live in Phoenix with my mother and step father Phil Dwyer,  
Renée divorced and left with me in the middle of the night at age 5 to phoenix where she met her husband Phil well my father still loving her didn't dare try to ruin her happiness so I saw him every summer till I was 10.

" Bella! Why are you stupid books in the living room ?!" Renée yelled from the door._ 'crap they got here TOO soon.'_

"Sorry I was busy cleaning the mess 'Phil made last night in his drunkenness " I murmured bitterly which I regretted as soon as it had left my mouth.

A good loud smack bounced of the kitchen walls, and it stung as tears formed but didn't fall in my eyes. I was too used to this, can't show weakness.

" Don't talk back!" she yelled. " Did you make dinner yet Bella?"

"I just started awhile ago it's going to be a bit." I stated looking her in the eyes daring her to smack or argue with me.

"Why." she said annoyed,_ ' cause I can't sleep because I'm a messed up kid'_

"My teacher kept me after school to review the material i was having trouble with." i lied smoothly, lying came to naturally for me.

"Just finish dinner i had a long day and Phil is tired from work." She muttered annoyed with me and went to the couch where Phil was already watching TV.

_' I miss Charlie..'_ he had stopped writing me when i turned 10, Renée had briefly said he started seeing some new woman and they didn't want me.  
It had hurt that MY dad, my Daddy didn't want me anymore. He was my only happiness I had after Renée remarried. I refused to believe he didn't want me, maybe she had just destroyed the letters but then again, why didn't he call ? It was best to never mention Charlie's existence in front of her.

never ends well.

Mom didn't always used to be this bipolar, not until she married Phil Some days she's able to laugh with me but most days we fight. And it is all HIS fault.

Phil is a complicated one. He is an abusive alcoholic, I remember the first night he hit my mom, back when she was my mommy and not Renée.  
it was the 1st week of them being married, it was a small court wedding mom in a beautiful silk dress, me in a purple flowered dress and Phil in jeans and a T-shirt. That was the first sign of the changes he had slowly changed from over the time of dating to marriage with my mother.

I don't remember it all but that week had been the 1st time he had hit her, and It was also when I promised I'd do anything to protect her.

over a few months I started to feel weird with Phil around. His weird stares, how easily he listened to me when I asked him to leave my mom alone.  
It was unnerving, but me being a kid I saw it as just an adult being nice, I knew nothing of he world, just that hitting was wrong.

Then came the first night when I started to understand the stares.

He'd come into my room , while I'd sleep, I would hear the zipper be pulled and the weird touches. But I was asleep , I thought it was weird dream.  
My 5-year-old imagination going wild. It started to happen more he started to hug me weirdly out of nowhere, but Renée never saw.

She was working long shifts and was always on call, never having time for me.

I remember the way I felt, dirty confused everything.. I remember telling Renée.

She yelled and argued and then she just got quiet with me. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, to see them fighting, he had a knife and she wasn't backing down this time. He saw me awake watching from the hall.

"Belly go to sleep," he grabbed my mom and kissed her." Mommy and I are talking now."

But I just Eyed the knife terrified trying not to show my cowardliness and 5-year-old me put my hand out silently asking him to give it to me. And he did.

I refused to leave the room though, so I called my mom's friend Tony who lived in the apartment beneath us telling him if he could please come make them stop fighting since they were fighting again.

I fell asleep but all I remember was that Phil was gone the next day.

"Mommy, what happened to Phil? " I asked her curious, she looked at me with anger but quickly composed herself.

"He went on business for a while." she said and then just walked out leaving me a 5-year-old confused.

Over the next few years Phil was in and out of our lives, staying a few months leaving a few months, Renée it turns out didn't believe me about the sexual abuse, she claimed it never happened and that I was imagining it.

Imagining the yelling, the hitting, the pain, the struggling when i started to realize what he was doing.

After a few years he stopped but the damage was done. I Isabella Marie Swan was dirty. And to make matters worse, my mom hated the fact that not just some random man chose me over her, but her was sick. And she made her hate for me known almost every day.

"Bella can you take the box of magazines to the attic tonight ? I am always cleaning and you do nothing but sit on your ass, you are so ungrateful I asked you the other day to do it because I was too tired but no you couldn't even do one simple thing" Renée yelled blending the memory and present.

"You asked phil not me." I quipped back angrily_ 'Do nothing ? YOU don't even work anymore.'_

"Oh sorry princess, my bad" Phil laughed from the couch.

"Do. It .now." She stared me down icily.

_' ..Deep down, i know you're in there mom. And I miss you too._' The thought was enough to cause my face to flush red and the angry tears to collect but not fall over.

Without a word i went and took the box of magazines to the attic. We put all the junk up there, _'it's mostly trash'_ Renee would always say.

This box was really heavy and of course me being me just HAD to drop it, but hearing a crack is what scared me, it landed on the older probably rotted floorboards seeing as it made a big enough movement to make the floorboard stick up_ ' Crap, Maybe she won't even notice ..'_

i walked over to inspect the damage then notice the glare from my flashlight being reflected so I go closer expecting glass or something, but see a black hefty bag. ' why would this even be here?'

After a few minutes of trying to squeeze the bag through the floorboard it finally came out, anxious to see what might be hidden in this old attic floorboards and found a white wedding dress? and a bundle of letters.

_'She didn't.'_ after looking through the first few on top I confirmed my suspicions.

_'She fucking Did.'_ Angry tears spilling over this time, I ran to the bathroom turned the shower on and let myself have the control for a while the only way i knew.

I took the razor I had hidden in bathroom out and slid it against my thigh and left forearm.

_' I am in control..'_ I kept thinking

_'well..I think I am.'_ I concluded just like i did every time i finished cutting.

Tomorrow I will be in control, and I won't need a razor I decided angrily still in the shower crying.

My dad DID want me.

and I wanted him back so tomorrow whether she liked it or not i was leaving.

**hope that wasn't too bad guys ! Should i even continue ? **  
**-rose**


	2. up in flames

**kay well i had just written this and it was pretty damn awesome, then my laptop just turned off. so short chapter instead of the awesome long one.**

**suuuuuuuuuucks but anyways i tried . Oh ! and yeah I'm putting songs that helped me write the chapter up with 'em.**

**Up in Flames - Icon for hire**

**oh and should the Cullen's be vampires or humans ?**

**DISCLAIMER: own nothing, S M does.**

**BPOV**

I hate crying. I always regret it after I feel the migraine the next day.

_'ugh I need coffee'_ I thought after booking a flight for tonight.

Turns out Charlie had lost our number and address when we moved from our small apartment to this two-story, but left his number in every letter.

_'thank God for savings accounts'_ i smiled proudly thinking of all that I was going to need to buy.

sunny attire to rain attire. . . yes, savings were always good. I mean after all the packing I did I actually have

one duffel bag and a backpack.  
_'years of living and that's all I have to show for it.'_ i wrinkled my nose bitterly.

Now it's time to do what I have put off._ 'it's going to be fine'_ and for once I believed myself.

The phone only rang twice before a deep gruff voice had answered.

"Chief Swan."

"Daddy ? " I beamed through my tears_ ' I can't believe it's him'_

"Bell's?" He stuttered shocked but I could hear the excitement creep into his voice.

"I missed you, It's important that I go see you Dad," Now the hesitation set in for the fear of rejection. " Can I um stay with you?"

"Bella of course! You don't even need to ask, but I DO need to ask why the sudden want ? Are you in trouble? " I could practically feel him going into cop mode.

"Dad I've always wanted to live with you and I'll explain everything just please daddy?" I begged adding the daddy cause I knew he'd be hooked.

"Well . . . get a move on then kidd! You have a flight already ?" He questioned excitedly _' you and I both!'_

" Done and Done." I confirmed excitedly, Finally I'll have that normal life..

"Well then I'll pick you up from the airport, Do I um do I need to talk to your mom?" he inquired,

"No, your my dad you have a say in my life." I argued. '_Well you will now..'_ I decided happily.

"Okay kid, then I'll let you go so you can pack and get your rest."

"Love you dad."

"I love you too Bells." He wasn't one for showing emotion, well unless it came to me.

Well I already packed, and the house is clean, dinner is cooked._ ' what now ?'_

I had the urge to go out and do something, _' maybe celebrate..'_ I shook my head, drinking would be bad, so would partying.

guess I'll just nap.

_' "Bella I'm so sorry baby" my mom whispered her kind face showing as she rocked a 5-year-old me back and forth. " it won't happen again.."_  
_she hushed my sobs and cried for me. In these rare moments my mom showed me she was still down there deep down, and that she did love me._  
_No matter how much I try to hate her I will always love her, she was my mom and I couldn't change that._

_"Mommy make him go away please, he doesn't love us," I pleaded desperately, " He just hurts us!"_

_I looked her in the eyes and watched as they darkened with hate._

_"Isabella." she hissed while squeezing her fingers into my arm for emphasis, " Phil is your father and he DOES love us."_

_"you just misbehave too much that he no choice but to punish you-"_

_" Then why are you punished too !" I tried to argue only making her squeeze my arm tighter." Charlie is my dad! He'd never hurt me or you!"_

_"Bella!" she yelled as she hit me across the face._

"Bella!" woah life-like hit .. no, wait that really happened I thought as I saw my Mom standing there annoyed.

"What?" I asked quietly, missing 'mom' and resenting 'Renee'.

"You were talking in your sleep." She rolled her eyes annoyed, " Did you get the mail? I was expecting something."

Feeling my earlier anger coming I got up and grabbed the letters from my backpack and threw them down on the coffee table and they made a loud thump and Renée made a huge gasp. " Would it happen to be this ?" I answered sharply.

"Do NOT speak to me like that." She said deathly quiet, " You wouldn't want me to have to call Phil would you?"

I paled but didn't remove the glare from her, she wouldn't want to call him. He would be mad at us both.

" I'm going to bed.." I whispered looking at the ground_ 'A few more hours and then you'll be on your way..'_ I tried to reason with myself.

laying there I realized I never decided if I was going to tell Charlie or not about what happened to me.

'He shouldn't need to worry..but then again he could protect me from them if they tried to take me away..' groaning I decided to just sleep.

* * *

Today was the day! I can't believe it, I was going to be home. With my dad.

I got ready putting on my favorite jeans and simple white long sleeve v-neck shirt, deciding that I should wear my hoodie when I'm out of the heat and in the rain.

Thankfully In Forks I wouldn't have to worry about people wondering why I wore long sleeves and no shorts or skirts.  
They would see my scars and healing bruises.

surprisingly Renée and Phil knew nothing about my razors or cutting or that I'd attempt to have fun drinking/smoking at parties to relieve the stress.

'Key word attempt.' I thought bitterly.

Well they are asleep and I need to leave so a fight doesn't break out.

After waiting awhile for the cab i called it was here ' Finally' I jumped up.

Only a Duffle bag and my backpack. I was ready, then of course I realized I had left my letters on the coffee table.

Where Phil was passed out from drinking last night.

Fuck.

"I'll be back," I called over my back as I rushed inside and my luck is never good because there stood Phil.

Nostrils flaring, eyes blazed and my letters in hand.

_'correction, Double fuck._'I grimaced.

**So ...? i really need feedback on this !**

**keeping it short each time most likely.**

**review !**


	3. I will not bow

**Alright, i'm starting to like this.. keep on reviewing it gives me motivation!**

**-Rose**

**DISCLAIMER: SM owns all rights, where as i do not ..sadly.**

**I will not bow- Breaking Benjamin**

**BUT Read it , enjoy it, review it all that good stuff people!  
**

* * *

**Bpov**

I never given much thought to how I'd die, maybe because I always assumed it be by my own hands.  
However now I'd be willing to bet Phil was a the likely candidate for my demise.

"So Belly why are your pathetic piece of shit sperm donors letters are on MY coffee table in MY home." He asked in that tone he used all the time that I recognized as the calm before the storm, he even sneered the nickname he'd given me when he started abusing me.

_' Ugh Belly,'_ I shivered and paled, that name brought to many painful memories that I'd rather forget.

I had two choices here, I'd run like hell and be safe and leave my letters_ ' So far a good plan.'_

Or I got my letters and left. _' Notice the lack of "be safe" now'_

_'Shut up !'_ I yelled at myself internally._ ' great talking to yourself is insane.'_

No. Those were MINE, I had nothing to lose '_my life maybe..'_ which I was reasoning couldn't happen. I mean , the cab outside would be wondering why I had never returned, and if he were to come and see a dead teenage girl I'm sure he'd call the cops and Phil would be in prison and my mom would be free from him. Win - Win situation in all ways.

"Actually Phil, I'd call you the sperm donor but you couldn't even do THAT right," I sounded cold and mean but I was scared shitless so referring to the times him and Renee had tried to get pregnant until they realized Phil had been shooting blanks, well it was a low blow but it was very much deserved.

_ 'And if i'm going to possibly die and this time i'm fighting back. Scared Bella is going to at least make it seem like she has nothing to lose.'_

Maybe it was the excitement that got my adrenaline pumped so much or the fact that my mind was telling my body to move but boy did I move fast for someone with balance issues! When he lunged and missed hitting the bookshelf I knew that the years of laying there and taking it were over.

"What's the matter Phil?" I taunted "Sore subject?"

"You fucking whore! Your mother should have let me finish you since you were the mistake that ruined her life." He laughed seeing my face drop.

"Aw sore subject ?" He mocked." That's why she hates you. She probably could have been happy but you ruined her and Charlie and now her and I."  
He spat.

"No. She did that on her own." I Said my voice not breaking, when on the inside i was felt like i was. "She left a great man for a sorry excuse of one."

That was all it took for Phil's fist to come at me straight on causing me to fall. 'It's just going to bruise, don't show weakness.'

"My dad is a greater man than you will ever even hope to be!" I dangerously taunted looking him straight in the eye." Where as you deserve a swift kick in the nuts !" I yelled as I kicked up and doing so._ ' yeah THAT wont be just a bruise.'_ I smirked.

Of course my internal celebration was short-lived when he grabbed me by my hair and threw me against the wall making me fall to the floor again.  
_'Just bruises.'_ I reminded myself.

Then he kicked me when I was down repeatedly in the stomach_ 'Not a bruise ! Not a bruise!'_ I screamed internally.

"pathetic! Not enough that you're hitting a girl, but now one that's on the floor." I laughed mockingly, " Some man." I laughed more_ ' I so have a death wish.'_

I was surprised when he stopped and picked me up and pushed me against the wall and got in my face and spat " The man who made the same girl scared to have friends, let anyone in, the man who turned her own mother against her." he hissed. "What. A. Man. " he laughed"Don't you agree?"

"No, more like pussy." Then he punched me right in the jaw, and I could taste and feel the blood trickling down my lip, he laughed as he let me go.

"That all you got? " I asked spitting in his face. He was about to strike again but a loud **_' knock knock'_** confused him for a second but that second was all I needed to make a dash for the door grabbing my letters from by the door floor and opening it while the driver was mid knock.

I must have looked bad for his eyes to go wide like that, and to run to the car and yell "Move it ! now!"

And just like that we were gone. I could see Phil in the street yelling and waiving but he was just getting smaller and smaller as we drove farther and farther. I took in a deep breath not realizing I wasn't breathing for a sec and winced as I felt it against my ribs.

A second ago I felt on top of the world, but now i just feel like I got hit by a train. The cab driver eyed me warily when he heard my whimper.

"I'm guessing hospital?" He asked quietly.

"No airport." I corrected, and saw his eyes widen a bit.

"Look kid I know it's not my business, but you should really have that checked out, I mean your wrist doesn't look too good either." He said concerned

Funny how I didn't even notice my wrist or feel it until now, now it felt like the train had run it over and over. _' not a bruise.'_ I frowned.

"It's fine, when I get to my fathers he can take me to the hospital. It's not like I can hide this." I frowned, ' guess I kinda HAD to tell him now.'

"I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing you didn't go to the hospital," He blushed looking me in the eyes through the rear-view mirror.

" I have a daughter. Your age probably, It's not a good feeling to see your daughter in your condition without any medical attention given."

" I promise I will go when I get there. Please this is my only chance to leave." I pleaded.

"Alright," he agreed. "Just keep your promise. And if your old man is anything like me, don't get mad at him for hovering. He has every reason to."

Then the car stopped and we were there. "How much do I owe you? " I asked after getting my wallet out.

"Nothing, just be safe and be smart." He smiled sadly looking me over.

"Thanks, I will." I said as I grabbed my bags and made my way in through the airport, well finally after getting there and a trip to the bathroom to make me look somewhat presentable after today's events, my flight was called.

I must have still looked horrible because the I could plainly see an older woman giving me the old glare I was used to when I looked like some escaped mental patient after a beating.

_'Whatever'_ I rolled my eyes and decided sleep was probably best seeing as my sides and wrists were burning.

* * *

I wish I had been able to sleep forever, because waking up was not cool. Head pounding now was something I could add to the list.

Seeing Charlie was probably the only sunshine I'd have in rainy forks I joked.

Well at least I woke up on time since we had just landed, longest or shortest nap I wasn't really sure.

Heres the thing about being injured in an airport . . people just don't care. They all have places to be and people to see.

So of course a hiss of pain kept leaving my mouth every time I was shoved. Then I saw him.

He stood there awkwardly looking above people searching for me in the crowd, his mustache lifting as he scowled from not seeing me, and fiddled with the hem of his _**'Chief of Police'**_ jacket.

"Dad!" I squealed as I shoved my way past everyone ignoring the pain and ran straight into him and pulled away faster once the pain caught up to me

"Bells!" He laughed happily, then his eyes darkened as he saw my appearance. "Who did this !?" He demanded touching my face softly.

"Phil." I said staring at the ground feeling the tears pool in my eyes and for once letting them drop." I'll explain on the way to the hospital."

"Hospital!" He squeaked, " Where else are you hurt?"

"My ribs and wrist." I frowned. "I promised a friend I'd let you take me there as soon as I landed."

"Alright let's go Bells, we need to get you checked out before I lose my mind." He looked me in the eyes and I could see anger but I knew it wasn't directed towards me _'Phil was doomed.'_

We got in the car and I started my story and by the time we got there I was full on crying tears that I let build up over the years and my dad well he was sad but over all he looked ready to kill.

"Come on kid, he won't hurt you ever again." He said as he gently hugged me wiping the tears out of my eyes. "Your going to be okay."

And that was all I needed to hear to know I would be, it might take a while but I would be.

* * *

**So what you think you guys? The kick in the nuts well it wasn't a nut punch but thanks for the idea 'wheredelime ' :)**

**Review this shizz**

**-rose**


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